One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
