She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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