i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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