Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They took my balls.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
