you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
