i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm always down for nudity.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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