I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
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went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
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YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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