"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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