I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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