I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize
