Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
