She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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