I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
