I murdered the dance floor call the cops
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
