Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
