can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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