He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
