trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
