I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
