So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
