but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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