I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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