Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
