Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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