Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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