We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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