Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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