so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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