So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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