Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
