imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
