He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
