DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
