How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
