Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
