I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
