eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
