my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
