So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
