Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he thought i was a dude.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
