Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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