I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The power of my boobs compel you
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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