Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
