Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize