i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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