too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
