READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
