So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
