he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
