Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
