Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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