eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
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I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
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I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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