if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
