do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
