i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
