I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
if only i could text you this smell
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
