hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
