I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
