My sheets look like a crime scene.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
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