i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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