You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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