No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
