I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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