Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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