I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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