did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
