at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
