I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
