TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
